The Things I Owe My Parents

  1. My Parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE : “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside – I just finished cleaning.”
  2. My Parents taught me RELIGION : “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
  3. My Parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL : “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
  4. My Parents taught me LOGIC : “Because I said so, that’s why.”
  5. My Parents taught me MORE LOGIC_* . “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
  6. My Parents taught me FORESIGHT : “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
  7. My Parents taught me IRONY : “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
  8. My Parents taught me about the science of OSMOSIS : “Shut your mouth and eat your supper”
  9. My Parents taught me about CONTORTIONISM : “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
  10. My Parents taught me about STAMINA : “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
  11. My Parents taught me about WEATHER : “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
  12. My Parents taught me about HYPOCRISY : “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
  13. My Parents taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE : “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
  14. My Parents taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION : “Stop acting like your father!”
  15. My Parents taught me about ENVY : “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
  16. My Parents taught me about ANTICIPATION : “Just wait until we get home.”
  17. My Parents taught me about RECEIVING : “You are going to get it when you get home!”
  18. My Parents taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE : “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”
  19. My Parents taught me ESP : “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
  20. My Parents taught me HUMOUR_.* “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
  21. My Parents taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT : “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
  22. My Parents taught me GENETICS : “You’re just like your father.”
  23. My Parents taught me about my ROOTS : “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
  24. My Parents taught me WISDOM : “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
  25. My Parents taught me about JUSTICE : “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”